It sucks to watch the whole world celebrate love when you’re still in a phase of mourning your last relationship. More than ever it’s easy to feel like some pathetic lost soul who is the only person in the world too broken to be in a relationship. It’s not true! Mourning the loss of a breakup means that you are willing to take advantage of romantic opportunities when they come your way. Valentine’s is just another day and if the timing doesn’t work for you this year, you will have many more chances to have the classic lover’s valentine’s of your dreams. Luckily, I’ve just written a gentle guided journal for getting over breakups (and it comes in this cute Valentine’s gift set with a candle, crystal, and sage) so in the meantime, I can give you a few methods for de-emphasizing your ex and feeling good about your fav long term partner (yourself):
Feel your feelings.
The most important thing to remember about getting over a breakup is that the only way to get rid of your feelings for your ex is to feel them. The way out is through. One method I have found particularly helpful to get it all out is to keep a tab open on my computer for a google doc that’s a “letter” to my ex. You can set an intention to actually send something or just to experience a catharsis, but leave it open and keep adding to it for at least a week. You want to have time to remember everything they did that makes you feel any strong emotion whether its heartache, pain, rejection, anger, fear, jealousy, or even regret. Try to say everything that pops into your head and don’t worry about editing it to make it sound better or make more sense. The purpose here isn’t to be perfect, it’s to be thorough and give yourself time and space to work through your emotions.
Remember your values.
One way to get context on your breakup is to think about your values and what you want in your ideal healthy relationship. No matter how good your ex was, no relationship is perfect. This is a great time to think about how you can check for red flags on the next person and avoid the same pitfall. This will also help you think clearly about why you are separating from your ex. It will help drill into your head that they are fallible and moving on from them is the best thing you can do. Your ex is not a mythological being who is the only romantic partner you can be happy…