What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries?

What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries?

If you’re in a committed relationship, you might be wondering, what are healthy relationship boundaries?   You love your partner.  You want the best for them.  They want the best for you. and yet you wind up in fights all the time. Unwanted advice goes back and forth between you like subtle hand grenades.  Expectations are not met.  No birthday flowers, a forgotten anniversary, your sexual preferences ignored.  You may feel taken over by your partner, like you are engulfed and can’t make any decision without them.  Or vice versa.

You may feel bored, trapped or engulfed by your relationship or marriage at times. All these patterns are typical of co-dependence that tends to flare up even in healthy relationships once the couple is established. So you are wise to wonder, what are healthy relationship boundaries? As the NLP therapist, Anné Linden wrote, “The most important distinction anyone can ever make in their life is between who they are as an individual and their connection with others.”

Just how do you make yourself happy, your partner happy and the relationship solid?  By creating healthy boundaries.  All great relationships have them! Boundaries start with you being kind and gracious to yourself and giving yourself mental, physical space, as well as shaping your partner to give you what you want and need. Here then, are six tips to create healthy boundaries that are adapted from my book, Love in 90 Days:

What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries? Tip #1 Lovingly say no when you need to.

For example, If you are overly pleasing or caretaking, practice saying no to yourself and to your partner.  First, stop yourself from overfocusing on your partner and overgiving.  Say no to yourself and stop that enmeshed behavior.  Remember you count!  I repeat, you count!  And you deserve to be respected and cared for by both yourself and your partner.  If need be, practice lovingly saying no to your partner.  Don’t allow resentment and anger that can overtake you when you give too much.

This is a key healthy boundary for women!  You can say, “So sorry, my love, I can’t make you dinner tonight.”  Or, “So sorry, my love, I can’t pick you up at the airport. Please take an Uber.”  And you don’t need to give an excuse.  “No, I can’t” is a complete sentence! You don’t need to go on and on justifying why you are saying no.  Justifications often give your partner the…

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