“People are so caught up in their own negativity and losses that they give up on creating the future they want.” ~Grant Cardone
I have a friend. Let’s call him Ram. Ram is always angry because of the cards that he was dealt in life. He comes from a middle-class family that has no money or inheritance. He got a decent education but couldn’t go to a better college because his parents didn’t have the money to fund it.
He’s disappointed that his education has limited his opportunities. He’s frustrated that he has to spend money on public transport while others drive in their swanky cars. To him, it feels like the entire world has conspired against him to ensure he doesn’t succeed.
What Ram doesn’t realize is that most of us have been dealt less-than-ideal cards, and it’s up to us to make the most of what we have.
For Ram, everything that he’s suffering through, or has a problem with, is not under his control. He’s angry, frustrated, disappointed, and sad because, according to him, he is not responsible for any of his problems!
Ram has what you would call a victim mentality. For a victim, everything is someone else’s fault and nothing is under their control. Every obstacle is a problem instead of an opportunity.
Every time we suffer a setback, we think:
What did I do to deserve this?
Everybody is out to get me.
I cannot do anything right.
But every time we suffer a setback, we have a choice to reframe our thoughts to:
I was not up for the task.
I was lacking somewhere.
This is a good opportunity for…
I will be better prepared next time because of this.
Now I know what not to do.
Can I be completely honest with you?
Ram is a pseudonym I created. Ram is me. I am Ram.
I get into the victim mentality very easily, because that’s easier than taking responsibility for my life. For four long years, I rejected the cards that were dealt to me because I felt that I didn’t choose them, so I could just ignore them.
I tried to distance myself from my parents and avoided going home for as long as I could because I blamed them for everything that was lacking in my life.
I’ve read a lot on self-help and personal development, so I don’t know exactly when the switch happened or why, but sometime in the beginning of 2015, I realized that running away was not going to get rid of the cards I was dealt, so I needed a different strategy.
So I decided to listen to Marcus Aurelius, who said, “Reject your sense of injury and the injury…