Why men pull away from some women is a curious, complicated, frustrating mystery. You may be having a great time, feeling in love, having some amazing sex. Maybe you’re thinking things are unfolding perfectly with a guy. That he is the One. And then whamo, he pulls away and texts less. Or stops having dates. Or even ghosts you. And you are left in shock and reeling. Then you may see on Facebook that he is with some other woman who offers so much less than you!
Why men pull away from some women and commit to others is a very complicated matter. There are many factors that lead a man to choose a woman as his life partner. These include both of you being on same mental wavelength, sharing how you see the world, and having similar values, goals and speech patterns.
There is also the matter of whether the woman is similar to his mother, which is a plus, if she was a loving mother. Or not similar, which is desirable if he had a cold or abusive mom. There are even physical factors like reciprocally compatible smell.
The Deadly Dating Patterns
But assuming that most of these things are there in a relationship, there are three other self-sabotaging factors that are key in explaining why men pull away from some women and commit to others. And the great news is that these three factors can be consciously changed!
As a dating relationship unfolds some women can be real and keep having real fun with their partners. Others fall into unconscious ways of relating that I call deadly dating patterns. They have difficulty relaxing, being real, being available or having fun with a guy they’re into. And it is these difficulties that make men pull away!
Deadly Dating Pattern #1 That Explains Why Men Pull Away: Settling for Crumbs.
In this self-sabotaging pattern you feel like you don’t really value yourself as a desirable, deserving woman or truly respect yourself. You will take whatever you can get from a guy. You are clingy, and go overboard with showing appreciation for even small loving gestures the guy makes. Your people-pleasing makes you too responsive. You settle for a few dates, a few sexual encounters, a few texts. And very little courtship. You’re thinking this is the best you can do. You are afraid to ask for more, for a commitment. Bottom line: you unconsciously push the guy away with your people-pleasing. He learns to not respect you all that much and he loses interest.