Do you worry that you and your partner seem to always be fighting?
Do you think that to be delightfully in love you should never argue? Does fighting leave you feeling you as though your relationship is a ticking time bomb? Well, what most therapists want you to know is that there is a connection between happy, healthy relationships and fighting. But it’s not what you think it is.
You may be getting along just fine and then the fight erupts. Usually you feel like it is totally your partner’s fault! But no matter who started it, it is so very upsetting to be in caught a negative spiral of emotions where you feel angry, resentful, depressed and sometimes hopeless.
You may think that to have a good relationship, a couple shouldn’t be fighting. Most believe that regular arguments can end relationships, and if they didn’t occur, that everything would be perfect. It is normal to come to that conclusion. It isn’t often that we relate healthy relationships and fighting with romance and true love. As such, we imagine that ideal couples should never disagree.
Is it normal that there’s fighting in healthy relationships?
Fighting to some degree is actually good for a relationship. And almost all couples do fight. Couples who don’t fight are the ones that most therapists worry most about. Happy couples are authentic, straight with each other, and air their differences. But over time, they learn self-control and generally do not let anger escalate and explode. This is the key. Happy Couples follow what I call Fight Club Rules.
My clients often sum up for me why their relationship is in trouble. They say, “because we argue all the time.” It’s never that they argue that worries me, it’s how they argue that tells whether they will last the distance. Arguing isn’t always a negative aspect to your relationship. Compared to a couple who never argues, it could mean that your relationship is in better standing because of it.
Arguing shows two people who have their own opinions and beliefs and they are willing to share them. It shows communication and a desire to share the issues that are important to those in the relationship. In a relationship where there is limited or no heated conversation it could mean that one or both people don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They are unsure if they can be honest about their feelings, be heard and respected, yet still loved. This could be a serious problem. So here are six tips that reveal…