Has This Happened to You?
From the moment you met eyes, it seemed like fate. You just knew he was the One. Moving too fast was the last thing you were thinking about. You rushed in and had great sex. Only to find heartbreak. Because, the truth is, you were moving too fast. In fact, much more quickly than usual. Why? In order to spend plenty of time and share yourself fully with him.
I know: He was everything you’re looking for. He said and did all the right things. The chemistry was off the charts. You even found his quirky habits adorable. In fact, you totally believed he was IT. And so you before you knew it, you threw caution to the wind and jumped into a relationship. You spent a glorious weekend together and were already planning a vacation to Cabo next month.
Well, you just committed the number one dating mistake singles make.
The #1 dating mistake: Moving Too Fast
I call this dating mistake — this tendency to move too fast — The Flame-Out Deadly Dating Pattern. I’ve worked with so many women who have had this happen to them. It’s gut wrenching! When the guy is acting like you’re the One and showering you with attention, it’s hard to resist. The problem is when you are moving too fast, you end up missing red flags. And you’re at risk for an agonizing withdrawal if this man rejects you.
As Helen Fisher, the renowned anthropologist, describes in her fascinating book, Why We Love, romantic love is a real addiction. When we fall in love, serotonin levels fall and resemble the levels found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders. You become like a craving coke-addict obsessed with your new (drug-like) boyfriend. Losing touch with reality, you see only the positives in the hottie. You lose self-control. Instead you are locked on the target, the fix. And you’re hot wired and ready to do outrageous things, sometimes self-destructive things. Whatever it takes to be with him.
Because of this addictive tendency, it can sometimes take months even years to get over the short-lived relationship with the man you didn’t actually know that well. And that is time you’ll never get back.
What Research & Game Theory Say about Moving too Fast
Have you ever wondered if it’s better to wait to have sex? Well here’s some dating and mating advice about moving too fast from a mathematician and economist. These researchers used game theory in a study that shows that a longer courtship before having sex allows the male to show that…