Did you ever wonder how happy couples deal with resentful or anxious feelings? How happy couples deal with feelings of hopelessness or loneliness? So, are you feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your relationship? Whether you have been dating two months or married 10 years, things can go south all too easily in couples. Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever. Can I turn it all around, you wonder? Is it even possible now to learn how happy couples deal with pain?
How Happy Couples Deal with Self-Sabotaging Beliefs
Well I have great news for you. It is possible. If you have the courage to go for it. All you need is to follow my three simple steps and you can learn how happy couples deal with the pain of everyday life. Here is the three-step secret sauce, adapted from my newly revised 10th anniversary edition of Love in 90 Days.
First, identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs. These are your self-sabotaging beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” or “I can’t make an intimate relationship work.” These relationship killer beliefs kick in when you are in love and problems arise in the couple. So instead of dealing with what is actually happening you go on an emotional rant in your mind. Let’s look at two Relationship-Killer beliefs described in an email that Joanne, one of our Love Mentor clients recently sent me:
Relationship Killer Beliefs In Action
Dear Dr. Diana,
Love in 90 Days just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving so I was standoffish.
While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book and read for several hours while completely ignoring his love advances; something I’m always complaining that he doesn’t give me enough of. Finally got to the killer beliefs. I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don’t…