Are You Being Roached In Your “Relationship”?

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Online dating and dating apps have revolutionized the experience of dating in recent years, and those changes continue to accelerate at a dizzying pace.

These new technologies have given rise to a brand new culture that singles never had to navigate in years past. Dating online and using dating apps is like a new “Wild West,” where there are no clear rules and anything goes.

This new culture comes with new words, of course. Some are amusing and some, not so much.

“Roaching” is a new name for a practice that’s been around for many years. Essentially, it’s a failure to define a relationship as monogamous (or otherwise) and the hurt feelings that often result.

One person believes that the relationship is progressing toward a meaningful one-on-one partnership and is blindsided when they find out that their partner has been seeing other people.

The offending party claims to be surprised that monogamy was assumed or expected because it was never openly discussed. This can seem heartless to some, myself included, but viewed objectively, it’s a valid point.

Mismatched expectations in relationships are nothing new, but regardless of the details or what new dating terms are used, the root cause is the same: the lack of open communication.

When I was searching for a partner, I often struggled to articulate what I truly wanted. I had trouble admitting, even to myself at times, that I was truly seeking marriage to someone with whom I hoped to share my life.

I found it nearly impossible to believe that there could be a man out there who would want that with me, so I avoided talking about it as much as I could. Instead, I swept it under the rug and dated anyone I found attractive.

I hoped that somehow it would all just work out. Somehow a man would end up falling in love with me and I’d be able to “sneak a relationship in the back door.” As if he wouldn’t notice.

I know that this sounds ridiculous, but that seemed to be the way it worked in the movies.

I thought that my dreams of a loving marriage were too much, overly traditional, and not feminist enough. It wasn’t what all the women’s magazines said I should be doing. In retrospect, I can see that I was…

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