Understanding men is crucial in helping you avoid the non-committal guy, players and other heart-breakers–so that you can finally create the love you want. It is also key for your own self-esteem and happiness. When you learn to clearly see and understand his patterns, you will be able to a handle a man who plays games. And even more crucial is that you can free yourself from second-guessing about what you did wrong whenever a relationship falls apart.
By better understanding the men you date, you will be able to let go of thoughts like “I should have told him how much I enjoyed the concert he picked out and that I would love to go again! That’s why he’s not texting.” “My thighs are so big and I wore that clingy dress. That’s what turned him off!” “He broke it off because I am——(old, needy, successful, have kids, am fat.” (Fill in the blank.) When we don’t understand our partner’s minds and things blow up, it is ultra easy to go into knee-jerk negative self-blame: “It ended because of something I said or did, or something I didn’t say or do.”
Understanding men can liberate us from these self-blaming thoughts. Instead, we can more easily say—and understand—“It is not just about me. It’s about him and his issues.”
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Understanding Men: Study like an Anthropologist
In order to have this kind of emotional freedom in dating it is important to be like an anthropologist in the world of men—to study them and understand their unique qualities and attributes. You need to suspend judgment about what a man ought to be like. We expect a lot based on fairy tales, rom-coms, and the media: the all-perfect prince is supposed to come along and sweep us away to the magic kingdom of love. But real life is not a fairy tale or a movie. There are no perfect guys. Of course, you also need to examine your own self-sabotaging dating patterns and be on top of them. Understanding yourself is critical for your own growth. But beyond that, I want you to get the importance of understanding men.
Sometimes a guy is so entrenched in his dating game issues that he will act the same way with most any woman. He is caught in a behavioral loop, an unconscious program he is totally unaware of, that is running in his mind. Chances are he will play out the same scenario with the next six women he dates. If he is truly caught in his own Dead-End Dating loop, there is nothing you can do to change him….